NEW DESTROYER 1
GUARDIAN ANGEL
CHARACTERS
Rob Scott. Eric Bozeman Collins, and Phil-Part of the Civilian Border Patrol killed in chapter 1.
Mitch Lansing and Dottie Lansing-RV travelers who happen upon lots of bodies.
Barak Wallace-Cop killer who has become a media darling. Remo decides to become the ghost of victims past and present for him and then explodes his heart.
Daniel Fitzwater-One of the officers slain by Wallace.
Prescott Worthington IV-Super wealthy industrialst who heads the CBP among other things. His father once employed Benson Dilkes. Chiun calls him Worthlesston.
Raymond Spence-Bodyguard for Worthington who gets impaled on a flagpole by Remo.
Rebecca Dalton-Returns for another go at Remo and Chiun.
Conchita Esperanto Diaz-Web consultant for MacroWare who is looking for her cousin Carlos. She thinks Remo is her guardian angel because her aunt Elena said she would find one.
Javier Jimenez-Mexican commander.
Miguel Fernando Pagazza and Pedro-Mexican American revolutionaries.
Ned J. Clancy-Massachusetts senator in favor of border changes. He was once involved in the deaths of two girl scouts and implicated in a kidnapping.
Jack Muldoon-Another useless senator with ulterior motives.
Barry Rutherford-New hero of the Alamo. He is an RV salesman from Amarillo and very dedicated Texan. He and his family bear a striking resemblance to the Hill family of Arlen, Texas.
Maggie and Billy-His wife and son.
Walter Morrison-Texas ranger, one book, one ranger.
Juan Pichardo-Mexican general who Remo calls Jean-Luc Picard.
Augustin Lopez de Santa Anna-Descendant of famous Mexican leader.
Zaid Dudin-Al-Khobar terrorist.
Sergio Amor-Mexican captain.
FACTS
Remo has been in Africa for much of the last 3 years. But, he and Chiun have been sent to eliminate al-Khobar terrorist cells from time to time.
Remo Bloomberg of Homeland Security alias.
Chiun still likes the Mexican soaps.
Remo speaks Korean and English but knows gutter oaths in other languages.
Chiun will not let Remo anywhere near contract negotiations. Take that Gold Eagle.
Chiun speaks of special Sinanju histories but Remo has no idea where they are hidden.
Chiun calls FedEx FexEd
Chiun gets a model train from Worthington and later uses it as a weapon.
Remo twists a gun barrel into a knot with bumps in the middle. He explains that it is a doggy.
Remo can tell a wall hides a secret passage.
Remo collapses a man’s chest.
Remo and Chiun argue over whose turn it was to keep someone alive for questioning.
Chiun says all generals look alike, fat and blustery.
Smitty was in early middle age when CURE started.
Mark is in his late 30s and has been with CURE for 6 years.
Remo and Chiun have not been used in the war since there is too much chance for exposure.
Smitty feels sympathy for Mark since he will never have kids and grandkids.
Chiun tears a strip off his kimono for Conchita to breathe through. Wanna bet he made Smitty pay for it later.
After digging out of dirt and rubble, Chiun looks like he has just come from the laundry.
Remo leads Mexican captives in song, North of the Border, Up Hoboken Way.
Remo throws Conchita like a javelin and Chiun catches her.
Chiun says his master told him that everyone will become emperor of Mexico at one time in their life.
Smitty goes home early at 5 pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays and comes in late, at 7:30 am on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
Remo mentions American Idol.
Smitty still has his 38 year old station wagon.
Dalton has an I Dream of Jeannie ringtone.
Santa Anna plays scratch and sniff with his belly button while sleeping.
Chiun gets another Davy Crockett cap. This one is for him. He makes the tail flip when he walks and flips the tail to point at something.
Chiun ignites gasoline by rubbing his thumb and index fingers together.
Mark has a drawing of Superman on his desk that was drawn by his nephew.
Remo isn’t very careful when using someone else’s cell phone.
HISTORY
Master Ik tried to work for Santa Anna but Mexico was too poor. He worked for Sam Houston for a while. He helped the Alamo for 13 days until the money ran out. He also delivered Santa Anna to Houston after the battle at San Jacinto.
QUOTES
Politicians are coming. If you had half a brain you’d be home locking up your hooch and your daughters.
Wakey-wakey
Remember Ik!
It’s good to be back. I love America.
Howdy doody little boy.
I am not playing. I am model railroading.
Crap on a crust.
Hi-de-ho to you too amigo.
Keep your skirt on Lupe Velez.
If there is something to not be known rest assured he does not know it.
Must be tough being down to your last railroad car.
Muchas gracias. Hey, Remo speaks Spanish.
More clever than you, Remo. Although, granted that is hardly a compliment.
Great job, Dr. Phil.
Like Lewis and Clark. Chiun
Greenhorns on vacation from Massachusetts as well as retired school Texas schoolteachers on day
trips.
One of them hightailed out of here. He was a Frenchman. What else is new?
It’s all part of the got-danged show.
Lest the state take you away on a little bus.
Stabby-stabby in head.
Yo quiero, Taco Bell
Don’t mess with Texas.
Do not what? Remo
Los Estados Unidos is about to go down the crapperillo.
The only thing that can blot out the odor of a Mexican is the even worse odor of an Arab. If a Frenchman were here, we would all have to have our noses amputated.
No autographs. Remo
How? That’s not Mexican, that’s Indian.
You’re the one who is always saying how cheap Canadians are. Take that again, Gold Eagle
What are you staring at?
PLOT
An uprising along the US Mexico border is turning into a major problem for CURE. The United Sates is about to be subdivided if Remo and Chiun can’t figure out the who and why.
THOUGHTS
We waited how many years for this garbage? Where are the squids? There are no albinos either and where did the bimbo go? This Mullraney guy must have some bad pictures of Murphy hidden somewhere.
NEW DESTROYER 2
CHOKE HOLD
CHARACTERS
Dr. John Feathers aka Johnny Crow Feathers of the Chowok tribe-Brings back the forbidden tobacco on an unsuspecting world.
William Eagle Feathers-John's father.
Neil Speckman-Scientist for Cheyenne Tobacco.
Sadie-One of the searchers for a kidnap victim in chapter 2.
Traci Rydel-Kidnap victim
Mrs. Connie Rydel-Traci's mother
Brad Swinder-One of the kidnappers.
Wendy Burdette-Segment producer for BCN Evening News.
Aphrodite Janise-Head of Campaign for Smoke Free World.
Edgar Rawly aka Edgar Coffin-CEO of Cheyenne tobacco.
David Merkel-Personal asst. to Rawly.
Mrs Z-Long time secretary for Rawly.
Zhii Zaw-One time Chinese general now a powerful crime lord in Asia. Also appeared in 127.
Jian-Leader of the moshuh nanren or mooshie mooshie as Remo calls them.
Arvin Wollrich-Killer on the payroll of Rawly.
Manny Boleyn-Old buddy of Wollrich.
Soaring eagle-Chowok chief.
Konrad Scheissenhauser-Governor of California and star of the movie Killbot.
Maryann Hammelfarb-Gambler at a reservation who finally wins big but loses.
Carl Randolph-Airport manager.
Robert C. Twitchell aka Bobby C-Guard at tobacco farm. Remo calls him Cheech.
Woody Fogle-Laborer at tobacco farm.
M. Merrit-Patient in special wing of Folcroft
FACTS
Remo whistles the theme to The Flintstones.
Remo's one prized possession is a little carved stone figure on his dresser.
Chiun watches cable news to learn of Remo's exploits with the kidnappers.
Smitty had a dog as a child named Blackie. He didn't want it or care for it but his mother thought he needed a dog. She gave it to a family down the street after a few weeks when Harold would not bond with the dog.
Remo uses his fingernail to score a moshuh nanren throwing star with the sign of Sinanju.
Folcroft still shows a profit year after year.
It's not nice to steal from Sinanju.
Remo still appears to be in his 30s even though he has to be past 60.
Remo buys and tries to use highway maps but cannot refold them.
Remo and Chiun feel pressure waves of cameras. Later their faces are blurry in the pictures.
One of the items in Chiun's trunks was two halves of an arrow. He uses them as a sign to the Chowok people in the Land of the Sickly Breath.
Remo and Chiun take the wings off a plane to make it crash.
Mark Howard has the green eyes, not Chiun, as some nameless writer kept trying to tell us.
Smitty wears a porkpie hat
Remo turns a car over with one hand.
Remo throws gasoline cans into the air in a way that they rain out all of the fuel before they come down.
Remo explains war to a man who went to Canada during Viet Nam
Remo splits a shotgun between the barrels.
Remo doesn't like how the scrolls can be revised so easily. One stumble and you become Pook the Ass-hat.
Remo runs so fast that his clothes cannot ignite in one of the fields.
The nanren can slow their body rhythms to near death so that Remo and Chiun cannot detect them.
Smitty explains to Mark that the empty bowl technique can only be used in rare cases and not to those who threaten the agency.
Remo does the I am Shiva mantra.
QUOTES
Wipe your big baboon feet.
You're proud of me?
No matter how far the lone fool stretches out his arms he cannot hold back the flood. (This is part of a Korean story that was stolen by Aesop and turned into the Grasshopper and the Ant.)
A child is a gift to tomorrow.
If you want to hide something from the French, wrap it around a bar of soap and sink it in the bottom of a pail of warm water.
I saw a movie once where Fonzie and Batman were running an escort service out of here.(NYC Morgue)
Ten thousand satisfied customers can't be wrong.
Steal our moves, lose your hands.
Oopsie, my bad.
Careful who you're pssting on. You're like a nicotine sprinkler.
Tum tum tum tum beat the drum drum. (as Remo slaps the side of Chowok heads)
That's the biz, sweetheart.
Yeah, but when I do it it's cute.
Then we will make haste to Canadia.
Is it possible that some wench is deluded enough to believe that her opinion matters to the Master of Sinanju?
Sure, Dudley Do-Right, why don't you go off and write a ten-thousand-word apology for sticking us with Jim Carrey? Or Mike Myers?
Isn't that Celine Dion? Sorry, my bad, you guys sure do make fugly scarecrows up here.
Take off, hoser.
There is no such thing as overkill. There is kill, and there is not kill.
I cannot fathom the minds of Americans. Do not further burden the Master of Sinanju by asking him to analyze the minds of these Canatards as well.
I have shaken the dust of Canadia from my sandals, and hope never to return. (to which I add an amen)
Don't be rude, white thing. Lead on.
HISTORY
Ptolemy V was last emperor who tried for a refund from Sinanju.
Master Kik wrote the story of the three bears for Charles V of France.
Master To-Un the Disgraced-Might have been remembered for a most clever assassination if it had been his last. An English writer was stealing Sinanju stories and turning them into his own plays. To-Un was going to put a stop to it but got some of the writer's jealous peers to pay a fee for something To-Un was going to do anyway. A most brilliant plan. Alas, for this is not what To-Un is remembered. He was hired by a knight of Elizabeth I to remove the colony of Sir Walter Raleigh in the New World. To-Un sold the colony to a local native group. The sign Croatoan that was later found at the site of the colony was actually an attempt at written Korea To-Un. At the ritual of departing To-Un pretended to smoke the vile plant of the tribe but some of the smoke got into his system and he became addicted and was unable to return to Sinanju. His apprentice later found him but it was too late. The apprentice banished the tribe to the far reaches of the New World. The apprentice was Master Pook.
Master Pook was thought to have removed all of the moshuh nanren long ago. They had stolen moves from Sinanju when a Chinese emperor tricked a Master into showing some moves. The Japanese ninjas then stole some moves from the nanren putting them one step further away from Sinanju.
PLOT
A rediscovered form of tobacco is bringing about wide scale addiction and many other problems for Remo and Chiun to deal with. To make matter worse, an old Sinanju enemy that has re-emerged to make trouble for The Destroyer.
THOUGHTS
The Destroyer just can't get much better than this. This book has everything that makes up a great Destroyer adventure, action, humor, Sinanju history, and some of the best satire you can find. If you haven't tried The Destroyer in a while then this is the one to pick up and reacquaint yourself.
Martin and Lewis. Remo
Drop me. Thug
You’re the boss. Remo
That is because he does not know how to sign his name. Chiun
Perfection, Little father.
And don’t you forget it, Remo Williams.
Actually, this was a fantastic read. It was so nice to get a real Remo back in print. The action and humor are great. The threat is real. The characters are all correct. It really is a fun time from start to finish.
In the book Remo says it is good to be back and to that I say Amen.
Slightly less ashamed than usual